There are three types of anger which help shape how we react in a situation that makes us angry. These are: Passive Aggression, Open Aggression, and Assertive Anger. If you are angry, the best approach is Assertive Anger. Big words, but check out what each type really means.
Many don’t like to admit that they are angry, because they don’t like confrontation – this is called passive aggression. This comes out in things like becoming silent when you are angry, sulking, procrastinating (putting stuff off you need to do), and pretending “everything is fine”. Passive aggression comes from a need to be in control. Want a hand with dealing with it? Read ahead about ‘assertive anger’.
On the other hand, many people have a tendency to lash out in anger and rage, becoming physically or verbally aggressive and can often times hurt themselves or others. This is called Open Aggression. This comes out in fighting, bullying, blackmailing, accusing, shouting, bickering, sarcasm and criticism. Open aggression comes from a need to be in control. Want a hand with dealing with open aggression? Read ahead about ‘assertive anger’. Sometimes the anger can be taken out on property or even on ourselves – see the section on self-harm.
The healthy way to deal with anger is by being controlled and confident, talking and listening, and open to help in dealing with the situation. This Assertive anger can help relationships to grow. It means thinking before you speak, being confident in how you say it, yet open and flexible to the ‘other side’. It means being patient; not raising your voice; communicating how you are feeling emotionally, and really trying to understand what others are feeling. When you deal with anger assertively, you demonstrate that you are mature and care about your relationships and yourself.
Forgiveness is always important; if a person has apologized for making you angry, or if you realize that the situation “isn’t worth it”, be open to forgive. And willing to be forgiven and forgive yourself! This will help you to calm down, and will help your relationships with others to flourish.
Remember that you are important. Your life counts, and you can make a difference in this world. If you ever need to talk about this or anything else, feel free to get in touch with us. We’re here for you.